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| I love Jesus, I really do...and I can't wait to spend eternity with him. To sit and talk to him and ask him a million questions. But here recently I have been surrounded bombared with fears of dying. Now I know that I'm not really dying, that my soul gets to live forever. Is it wrong for me to have desires to get married to the man I love, to wake up next to him for 50 plus years, to be a mother, to watch my children grow into Godly parents, to play with my grandchildren, to see so many places in this world? I honestly don't know if it is or not. My heart aches for those who have passed on, but it also rejoices because I know they are enjoying the wonders of heaven. Is it possible to feel this way, to be torn between polar opposite emotions? Is it wrong to be scared that my life could be shorter than I imagined? I think God has been teaching me so much in the past two weeks about what life is really about, and finding value in each moment I am given, because He hasn't guaranteed me another minute. I want to be thankful for each one He gives me, to not only tell others I love them, but show them consistently that I do. Yet, my mind races with questions, and I don't know if I will ever find answers, at least not until He and I meet face to face. | | |
| I want so much to be content with life as it is now. But sometimes I can't help but
yearn for so much more...
Life is good, it really is. I am blessed beyond what I ever imagined, and yet I am so
unsatisfied, I want more. I want to express my love for You every moment of
every day, with every fiber of my body...
I really think this desire for more will never go away, that there will never be a
moment in my life where everything is exactly as it should be...and
ironically this makes it all a little ok...
My heart was never made to be satisfied with anything in this world,
it was made be satisfied only by Him,
but why is it so hard? | | |
| Sometimes there are moments in my life where my mind is filled with so many thoughts that are completely and utterly overwhelming. Sometimes my heart aches for so many reasons but I can't really put any of them into words. Sometimes I cannot help but cry because there is pain and suffering all around me in this world. I wish it were so much simpler and I wish I could find peace, really I just wish we could all find peace. | | |
| After 36 hours of traveling I am finally home. There is alot to say about the trip, but if you really want to know just ask me. Thanks for all the prayers, emails, and such! I am going to bed now, maybe I will wake up in a day or two haha. | | |
| I really graduate from USM in about 2 hours. It's kind of a weird feeling to know that I am finally finished with college, I don't know if I ever thought it was going to get here, and now it is. The last four years, oh how they have been the hardest years of my life. There have been many stressed out nights, disappointments, moments of utter dispair and complete happiness, tears shed, laughs laughed, friendships formed, decisions made, and much, much more. When I think about how different I am today, as compared to four years ago, I am completely amazed. God has transformed me and continues to shape me every single day of my life. I would not be the woman I am today without His unfailing love, and I am so thankful for that. | | |
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